My Netflix Queue – DVD Reviews

3 out of 5 stars

The plot is simple…a bunch of teenagers wander into a small little town with a House of Wax Museum. They cause trouble and trouble finds them. Eventually someone or something starts killing the teenagers off one by one.

House of Wax is an awesomely bad horror movie that you can laugh out loud to. And I mean that in the best way possible. This 2005 remake of the 1953 original by the same name was advertised as Paris Hilton’s first big movie role (if you disregard that 2004 sex tape). Paris Hilton was by no means the lead in House of Wax, but her presence tells you all you need to know before you even press play.

House of Wax wasn’t meant to be a scary, edge-of-your-seat, thriller. In order for a movie to really scare you, it has to draw you in. And in order for a movie to draw you in, the acting has to be 100% solid. And that could not have been expected with this casting job. With the exception of Paris Hilton and Robert Ri’chard, the acting was pretty decent. Time has shown that nearly all of the actors in this movie are talented. However they were very inexperienced when this was filmed. Chad Michael Murray and Jared Padalecki were largely television actors in 2005, and the few movie roles they had under their belts were teen love interests.  Elisha Cuthbert had only done a few comedy films at the time. The only stellar performance came from the very experienced Brian Van Holt, who played the villain.

My last words on the acting… the stars of this film (Cuthbert, Murray, & Padalecki) cannot be faulted for two reasons – 1. They had to play off of bad actors, Paris who was a newbie, and Ri’chard who has a long history of overacting. 2. The script was horrible.

Let me repeat – the script sucked!  Check out IMDB’s most memorable quotes and you’ll realize not a one of them is memorable. In addition to that, every scene leading up to a BIG SCENE was completely implausible. The teenagers were written to be caricatures of modern-day teenagers – no respect for authority, rude, rambunctious, and overly curious. Throughout the movie you’re thinking “Who would do that?!”

So what redeems this film? Low expectations. Seriously, Paris Hilton is in it. You can’t expect it to be good. The blood, gore, and death scenes also redeem this film. You don’t feel sorry for the characters when they die, you’re fascinated by how they died. It’s good stuff.

Oh, and there is the wax. It’s hard to make wax look scary. And the special effects crew never really accomplishes it in this film. In fact, wax is such a cheesy, silly horror element that it reminds me of all those awesomely bad B horror films with a “blob” substance as the villain. You can’t help but laugh and cheer when the blob wins.

So if you avoided the film in 2005, reconsider. Add it to your Netflix Queue and when it arrives, sit back, munch on some popcorn, enjoy the blood, and have a few laughs.

The Good: Low Expectations, Death Scenes, Laughs

The Bad: The Script, The Acting, Special Effects

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